So this student walks into the final yesterday and immediately launches into a story about how the printer (you know, THE printer, the only one in the known universe) doesn’t work, so s/he can’t submit the final revision of the final essay the class has been working on for 3 weeks, due at that very moment. I let hir ramble for a bit, before asking, very politely mind you: “And you are?”
You see, this student is a familiar creature at colleges across the nation, and is particularly visible fall term, when newly hatched high school students who seemed to have been given passing grades for breathing enter our fair, open admissions, hallways and continue to use what must seem to them to be a very successful strategy: Show up to class regularly at first, then begin to strategically miss those classes where the bigger assignments are due, and finally stop showing up at all for the last two weeks only to show up at the final with a fabulous tale of woe. Then, when reality strikes in the form of the Angry Pissed Off Professor (A-POP), who says that, as per the syllabus, only students completing, and passing, ALL the major essay assignments can actually pass the course, whether or not they hand in the final essay, the creature responds with a look of total miscomprehension and surprise:
“But, I’m HERE for the final,” it says woefully.
“Didn’t you check your grades, posted religiously online each week with an e-mail sent from me to you telling you that grades have been updated, and those students who are failing should consider dropping the course?”
Of course not.
And yes, I know, this really isn’t very funny at all. I’m thinking she is a theatre major, and a damned good one, because that look of stunned surprise was just so real.