My 9th grade teacher once said to me:
“Do you know how I know if a lecture I’m giving or a class activity is going well or failing miserably? I just look at your face, Annie!”
My Poker Face: let’s just say I don’t have one.
This morning I woke up all agitated. I must have changed my clothes five times, going from casually professional to jeans and a sweater, and back again, finally just sticking to the jeans. Although I do take some care in what I wear, I am not usually obsessive like I was this morning.
But I figured out that my indecisiveness this morning was merely a precursor to today’s big meeting where we had to make a big decision, and face a conflict between two members of the committee where we would be asked to pick a side.
I wouldn’t say I usually make decisions easily, but I am not one to agonize over every decision. There are those, however, some small, some huge, that I do struggle with, and today’s was one. Luckily, the decisive vote was majority rules, so my position of “neutral” since I truly believe that either course of action had strengths and weaknesses (but yes, still a non-position if there ever was one), was ultimately a non-issue. And now that it’s made, I’m happy with the decision.
But then there was the choosing sides conflict.
One of the committee members said to me after the meeting that watching my body language as the discussion moved to the area of conflict was quite entertaining (he is easily amused). He said I turned physically away from the two combatants, and averted my gaze completely from them. Even when I spoke up, and ultimately chose a side (this wasn’t a difficult decision, just an awkward one), I still physically leaned away from the sources of conflict.
Clearly, I’m never going to be an actress, never.