Happy Festivus!

Happy Festivus, everyone!

Frank Costanza: “Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.”

Cosmo Kramer: “What happened to the doll?”

Frank Costanza: “It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born: a Festivus for the rest of us!”

Kramer: “That must have been some doll.”

Frank Costanza: “She was.”

The holiday, created in 1997 by Dan O’Keefe, a writer for Seinfeld,   has become a worldwide phenomenon according to at least one article:

The Festivus faithful have gathered across the globe and have come together in places as various as seedy bars, campus squares and corporate boardrooms. Citizens, with varied degrees of success, have petitioned to raise Festivus poles beside public nativity scenes. Social networking sites and holiday-specific venues — like festivusbook.com and festivusweb.com — are go-to places for those who want to share the cheer, or jeers.

There are many components to celebrating  Festivus (including feats of strength) but my favorite part is the Airing of Grievances:

Frank Costanza: “And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year!”

So, in honor of Festivus, please feel free to air all grievances in the comments.

My first grievance: Why oh why can’t I just live on pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and brandy? Why?

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8 responses to “Happy Festivus!

  1. Happy Festivus! In honor of the holiday, a grievance:

    Hey grocery store, shallots are NOT weird. Quit acting act like you don’t know what they are and just tell me where the fuck they are! Fuckers.

  2. It would help if the stamp machine at the post office had stamps, dammit.

    My cupcake pan apparently isn’t dishwasher safe. It’s a rusted piece of shit now. The pumpkin spice cupcakes were awesome and worth it.

    The speedy line is for 15 items. Not 15 thousand items. Children *are* included as an item. Scan their asses, bag em, cart em, and move along, thx.

    I hate hate hate overwhelming pine and flower scents. Headache in 3….2…..1…..

  3. Happy Festivus! One of my favorite times of year. And I also prefer the Airing of the Grievances over the Feats of Strength.

    Official holiday grievance: could someone please make wrapping paper that isn’t all rippy? If one more package rips in the front after I’ve completely wrapped it all up and am just applying the final piece of tape, I will LOSE it, people.

  4. Dr No: Ah, darling, for you, EVERY day is Festivus!

    JC: You absolutely rule in terms of the “airing of grievances” event. And yes, I’m glad to hear that in your town folks can’t count to 15 either!

    Ink: Yes, tis the season to fight with scizzors, tape and wrapping paper. Sigh. I ran out of those little bags I’ve been using since I absolutely stink at wrapping paper, so I’m now using the little plastic bags I put my veggies in at the supermarket, and sticking a bow on them (which my cat loves).

    Another grievance: those annoying people at the gym who insist on talking to each other even though their treadmills are NOT next to each other, so they have to yell over ME! What’s with that?

  5. Thanks for celebrating Festivus with the restivus (sorry, I simply couldn’t help myself).’

    Grievance: why can’t I throw them back like I used to? Two glasses of wine and I”m hungover. Oy.

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