Finals Week Follies

I know that professorial whining during the end of the term is so utterly boring, but I believe it’s my turn:

From the mouths of students–and Annie’s bitchy replies:

Act I:
Young woman, who has not been to class in 6 weeks, but who has e-mailed me weekly demanding to know when I can meet with her (and never showing up to any of the 10+ hours a week I’m available to meet with students),  stops by and says: “Can we talk about my getting an incomplete?”

Annie replies: “No. Here’s a signed drop form. You have 5 minutes to take it to the registrar before the drop deadline.”

Young woman tries again: “Are you teaching the course again? I’ve done all of the work [note: she carries nothing with her to this meeting].”

Annie replies:  “No, I’ll probably never teach that class again [composition, so not exactly true, but I will not teach it NEXT quarter] so you’ll have to take it with someone else.”

Act II:
Young man who just handed in his third late essay on a Thursday afternoon asks: “When’s the final?”

Annie replies: “Check the syllabus, the website, the Blackboard, the handouts etc. and if you still can’t figure it out, give me a call.”

Act III:
Young  woman student, who failed essay one, plagiarized essay 2, and hasn’t been to class in 2 weeks, stops by Annie’s office today, the last day of finals week, at 3pm precisely, while Annie has her coat on, and three bags of papers on her back and asks:  “Can I still take the final?”

Annie replies: “The final was 2 hours ago.”

Young woman: “I thought I had until 3 to take the final?”

Annie replies: “It’s now 3:01.”

Act IV:
Young student says as he is leaving the final: “I learned so much in this class. Thank you, Annie.”

Annie grins.