Summer Fun for Educators

I know that many of us involved in education save summertime (even those of us who teach in the summer) for a little r and r, (rest, relaxation, reading, writing, road trips, ruminating, roaring with glee, etc). 

But many of us also do unpleasant things like finally going to the doctor. I know, because getting an appointment in the summertime, even though I am free during the day, is quite the challenge. 

Of course some of that is because the doctors themselves, naturally, take their vacations during the summer, so the limited availability of appointments coupled with  the onslaught of teachers from pre-school through graduate school trying to cram in said appointments between our own vacations….Well, trust me, it’s a problem, especially in a small town with a limited number of doctors.

So, I’ve seen the dentist (who knew 35 year old cavities need to be replaced?), the “eye” doctor,  and my obgyn.  I was going to see the podiatrist, but put that off after hearing from the ob gym that, hmmm, there are some  indications of a problem, so you need to get a colonoscopy.

At 45, I was hoping to put that off for another 5 years (or so, after my big Thelma and Louise-like 50th birthdayweeks-long bash in Italy and Greece–without the Grand Canyon scene). 

I made an appointment for after my half marathons, but that was soon changed (the doctor had other plans). The new appointment is this week, but, it seems, I was not given the diet I should have been following for at least a week (who knew?!)  beforehand, so, mmm, we may need to reschedule for October, really such a wonderfully “free” month in terms of the academic calendar. 

I’ll find out tomorrow if that is really the case after I chat with the doctor (who, of course, is off on Mondays).

So, I’ve spent the morning searching the web for more on this supposed low-fiber diet I should have started, oh, either a few days ago, or 3 weeks ago, or not till tomorrow, depending on the author.  It’s brutal. I knew about the laxative and liquid diet required the day before, but nothing about the no-WINE rule a few days before (naturally I have a wine tasting party scheduled for Wednesday night–clearly that will be a blast for me). And really: my entire normal diet consists of nearly everything on the “do not consume” list. How much chicken broth can a girl eat when it’s nearly 100 degrees outside?

Anyway, the humor in all of this, whether or not the damn procedure is ultimately rescheduled for an incredibly inconvenient time like October, is that I found the following in my web search (and these are the creme de la creme of oodles of bloggings on the subject):

1. A first person account of a colonoscopy on a blog appropriately titled “I Laugh, Therefore I Am”

2. And, a blgo called, get this, Colonoscopy Blog.

3. A colonoscopy song (it’s actually quite catchy)

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14 responses to “Summer Fun for Educators

  1. /comfort

    That doesn’t sound fun at all. I hope everything turns out as well as possible. (I’m hoping to avoid turning 50 somehow and just go from 49 to 51 or something…)

  2. True, it’s no fun. Especially since I’ve put myself on the bland/white food (!) diet today just in case I still “get” to have the fun on Friday.

    In my continuing search for/and reading of novels about peri-menopausal women not one has mentioned a colonoscopy. Clearly something one wishes to forget…

  3. Aw, Annie. Shoot. This does not sound like fun, by any stretch of the imagination. At least you have a good attitude and it made for a very interesting blog post!

    (((((Annie)))))

  4. ps: And I hope that the results are not stressful but instead reassuring, as in EVERYTHING IS FINE.

  5. Thanks for good wishes: all is on schedule for Friday (so at least now I’m saved from dragging this out for two months).

    Just went shopping for sparkling cider, white wine (seems I can drink that at least till Wed night), lemon popsicles, broth, jello (lemon), gatorade (lemon), lemonade.

    Luckily, I like lemon;-)

    Now, I think Dr. No needs to come up with an Acadamnit song……

  6. For Annieem (download the tune and sing along!):

    MR. BACKSIDE (Adapted from Mr. Brightside by The Killers)

    I’m coming into my age
    and I’ve been doing just fine.
    Gotta gotta be down
    because I want it all.
    My shit was slightly amiss
    How did it end up like this?
    It was only amiss, it was only amiss.
    Now I’m falling asleep
    and she’s calling the lab…
    While he’s having a scope
    and she’s taking a poke.
    Now my ass is up on a screen
    and my stomach is sick
    and it’s all in my head…
    But she’s running a test,
    now, fingers up my ass
    now, let me go.

    And I just can’t look it, my ass to see,
    and taking control.
    Colonoscopy, poking up my ass to see.
    Swimming through the pain I sigh,
    choking on your camera eye.
    But it’s just the price I pay
    Destiny is calling me
    open up my eager eyes
    ’cause I’m Mr Backside.

    I’m coming out of my cage
    and I’ve been doing just fine.
    Gotta gotta be down,
    because I want it all.
    It started out with my shit just a little amiss
    how did it end up like this?
    It was only amiss, it was only amiss.
    Now I’m falling asleep,
    and she’s calling the lab
    while he’s having a poke
    and she’s making a joke.
    Now they’re prescribing a med,
    and my stomach is sick
    and it’s all in my head.
    But she’s running a test,
    now, fingers up my ass
    now, let me go.

    Cause I just can’t look my ass to see,
    and taking control.
    Colonoscopy, poking up my ass to see.
    Swimming through the pain I sigh,
    choking on your camera eye.
    But it’s just the price I pay
    Destiny is calling me
    open up my eager eyes
    ’cause I’m Mr Backside.

    I never…
    I never…
    I never…
    I never…

  7. Bravo bravo, Dr.!!!! I love my song. I believe I will record it for the poke-doctor to listen to on Friday;-)

    I love how I’ve encouraged you to flex those intellectual muscles during your sabbatical, Dr. No!

  8. I may just do that….I believe I get to be drugged during the procedure so I’ll have a good excuse to sing it loudly as I slowly drift away to what I hope is a deep deep sleep for 30 minutes or so….;-)

  9. Sending you happy and gentle procedure vibes…you are getting very sleepy…and relaxation waves…you are getting even more sleepy…and chocolate…you might be hungry now but you’re still very sleepy…you are in your happy place…no worries…good luck…take care.

  10. Mmmm, chocolate (god, I’m hungry)…..I’m headed to my first attempt at sleeping tonight. Thank you so much, Ink, for your kind good vibes.

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